Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
