I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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