Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
