I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
