I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
