what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am available for nakedness
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
