So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
