did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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