Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
