Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No...this little piggys going to the bar
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
