she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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