she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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