Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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