On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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