Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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