you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
