woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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