you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
