As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
