yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
