guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
