i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
