I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
