I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
