you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
