Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
