and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
