Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
