i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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