when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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