youre lurking in front of me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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