In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
