Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
