to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
