Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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