i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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