I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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