you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
