we're chasing vodka with high fives
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
