I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
