He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
