he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
