he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
