so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
