Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
