Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
