It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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