take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
