How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
