my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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