i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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